Framing the narrative
How advanced Frame gives men the power to move mountains (e.g. her feelings do not matter)
If you could get every man to understand and apply the most basic of concepts here (covert contracts, boundary enforcement, STFU, and the Cardinal Rule of Relationships) then I would be out of a job. There’s more advanced stuff, but heres the thing: once you understand the basics you really don’t need anyone to explain the advanced stuff as it is rather intuitive.
You could ask why, if these advanced things are so intuitive why they need to be explained at all, but this isn’t about navel gazing. You could ask why I don’t stick to the basics then until it’s reached that saturation point, but this isn’t about why I don’t do audience capture. You could even ask why I’m writing rhetorical questions instead of getting to the point, and you’d have a point.
I’ve written about the scoreboard in best selling book, Dread. It’s breaking down part of the process men use to go from a life of sexual scarcity and a life of quiet desperation into a life they can be content with, or at least a direction that gets there. It’s a metaphor for a guy and a girl who have a scoreboard to their relationship wins. At first the guy can’t get any points on the board while his wife is both scorekeeper and opposing team. This man is in his wife’s Frame and needs to get out of it.
The various mental models that apply to him involve separating him from his wife. Hitting the gym, learning to handle boundaries, STFU; all based on not letting a mans wife manipulate him into acting differently than he would have on his own. The second part of the scoreboard is where a guy learns to start putting his own points on the board. He is now winning this battle of the sexes. Handling shit tests, comfort tests, operation scorched earth and the like exist for a man who actually knows how to beat his wife in the manipulation game.
Of course it gets old fast and guys ask themselves why are they trying so hard to compete with a 140 pound soccer mom, and so they reach the final scoreboard; they realize they don’t need to keep score, she’s not the competition and they throw it away. This is about bringing your woman into your frame. Not every man gets here, not every wife is capable of getting here. But for those who are this is where Frame control can shine.
I barely write about it because frankly, once you’re here you don’t need an instruction manual. Men who have infidelities, men who take control of the finances, or in the rare case, actually lead their women to whatever family (read: more/less children) size they ultimately want. It’s the part I enjoy the most because it’s where I see what men actually want, and what we are capable of achieving once we do all that work beforehand.
The next examples are from The Litz, as well as Bogeyd6. The former you know from Dread, the example of a man accepting the status quo. The other is from a man who started the same week I did, and achieved a lot. We are still good friends, like Carl.
Litz 1
I am on leave. My diet was off but on track now. I started making lunches with BBQ lean beef cuts and chicken. Mrs. Litz is enjoying the lunches and seems in a perky mood, which is a a major improvement seeing that it is supposed to be PMS week.
I exercise when we were away. I didn't lift but stayed active: running on the beach with the kids and swimming daily. I lift when I get home.
I am finally mastering Agree and Amplify and Amused Master. I’m not getting butthurt after sexual rejection, which is not happening a lot. For example
We were lying in bed just before going to sleep. She was tugging at the sheets that I had wrapped around my legs. She had a very serious, annoyed look on her face. Very seriously I state:
“You seem to be very irritated with me lately.”
‘Yeah’
“You must hate me” I smirked
‘No. Frustrated.’ She looks at me trying to gage my mood. ‘You just don't get me. You approach me the wrong way which pisses me off.’
I am thinking which approach this is, but from what I can figure it is either the captain retaking the helm or how I try and initiate sex. I don't push for an explanation, I don't get pissed of like I used to.
“You are going to be a miserable person babe, I am happy so its up you to get unfrustrated.” With an ear to ear smile. Then she laughs. Not a sarcastic ‘we will see about that’ laugh, but a schoolgirl giggle. She seemed relieved that I didn’t get all worked up and sulky like I used to at any hint of criticism.
After that I pulled her close for a cuddle, mocking my approach. I feel elated, who cares if she wanted to take a dig at me? Who cares that she might secretly be planning her exit strategy? Who cares that she did not get the answer, or course correction, or attitude correction she was seeking from me?
It’s the hardest question to ask a man, freshly unplugged and it’s an obvious question to the man who has Frame.
What do you want?
This is a small example of a man throwing the scoreboard away. These scenarios happen all too often in relationships and they blow up in such a predictable way. The girl feels something negative. And being a girl, they process that negativity by doing the same things: project it as someone else's fault and responsibility, use language to process the feelings, and whatever assumptions come from that conversation will become her truth.
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