What Frame is, and what Frame isn't
This is the wrong question, because you don't understand the important details yet.
Guys have a hard time understanding Frame. At first, guys think it means optimism, then stoicism, and eventually understand. Frame isn’t either thing, but it can be both. Frame is a metaphor that encompasses anything that you let influence your decisions. Two men, one with frame, one without; they can be doing the same thing and get completely different outcomes. The reason? Because of who holds the frame.
I have three field reports from years ago. I’ve stopped adding usernames like bigDick69420 and just call everyone either Billy or Chad, depending on their issue. It’s more professional. The first two are examples of misunderstanding frame, and the third is a case study into a man trying to develop frame. It’s awkward at times, brutal in it’s honesty, and shows a man who will eventually get it.
Frame doesn’t have to be stoic, Frame doesn’t have to take the world and all it’s bullshit in the way Atlas takes the world on his shoulders. Frame has to do one thing, make deliberate decisions when dealing with the shit people give you, but in a way that serves you, and not reacting to anyone else. Otherwise you’re not a man, you’re a dog, a well trained dog.
The reason it’s so hard to describe Frame is because there’s a hundred little examples like this. At first they look contradictory, the certain details of importance don’t stand out, and people have the wrong goals and frame of reference to understand where mistakes are, or are not, made. But after doing it a few hundred times, making the few hundred mistakes, and learning how Frame elevates the few hundred interactions into a consistent and deliberate set of actions, guys will eventually get it.
Billy [emphasis mine]
I'm not maintaining my frame. While I’m not losing it and throwing tantrums I'm not keeping a consistent, high-energy, positive attitude like I should be. I'm letting too many things affect my mood. I want and need to embrace stoicism and control my attitude for the better. During my last field report I was laser focused on my outcome — being happy. I haven't turned that into a daily initiative.
Men with no frame and the things they do is the perfect lead in. Billy is having problems projecting positivity, because you don’t project it. You either embrace things as positive in your situation and take life for what it is, or else this is all roleplaying as a clown.
Hint: Clowns aren’t actually happy.
—whinemoreplease
Stoicism isn’t the answer. We’ve had these arguments for about a decade and they all go the same way. Guys think stoicism means being non-reactive. If you’ve read Praxeology, vol1
you know that men think the rock has frame, when it’s actually the oak. You’re allowed to react to things, you’re allowed to let things affect you. What you’re not allowed to do is let other people dictate what you do afterwards. That is frame. You live on your terms, to your standards, and on your timeline.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Rian’s Substack to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.