Praxeology is a process. You take your internal structures which I call Mental Models and reframe them for self-interest. Mental Models are the little narratives we internalize and anchor our decisions to. What would Jesus do? Is the more intuitive example. It’s hard to do as we are hired wired to avoid doing this in all but life or death situations. The level of difficulty is called neuroplasticity. A severe enough injury changes our neuroplasticity so that we may develop new Mental Models. When a woman causes your pain it’s called being Zeroed out.
In Frame, I’ve written about killology, which is a similar process to how praxeological men within the red pill have worked on better Mental Models without waiting for being Zeroed out. Simply put, we bypass the direct method and instead develop our habits in the same way soldiers are trained not to kill, but to project force.
I wrote this post to both offer a case study of simple field reports on unplugged men, to show why it has to be an incremental process i.e. build value before commanding respect, and to suggest that this isn’t beneficial for many people.
Multiple men in the red pilled spaces have written about the stages of unplugging. Everyone goes through the stages of grief. Additionally, all the field reports and theory caters to a specific stage of grief. Unplugging is a shorthand term, describing both a mans realization that his Frame is deep within the feminine imperative, or that he has no frame at all and is easily manipulated by the feminine imperative. I like the metaphor as it describes a man taking action as opposed to the world acting upon him.
The problem with unplugging is that it feels good. It hits the triggers for our man feelings as well as a brand new truck filled with whiskey and shotguns. We want to stand on the Titanic’s ensign-staff and shout out to the world that we aren’t going to take this shit anymore.
Of course we don’t live in a movie, we aren’t the main character, and the way men with no Frame will frame their life doesn’t work here. There’s a reason seasoned men will tell new guys to shut up. You need to shut up because you get into fights with your wife to get her validation. You need to shut up because you don’t know how to say anything attractive. You need to shut up because you can’t stop crying about what you’re owed, even though no one cares. And in this example, you need to shut up because no one gives a shit about your boundaries. Whisper puts it well:
The rule on boundaries is simple: The only tools you have to enforce your boundaries are removing your attention, your affection, or your commitment. The only reason your enforcement has any teeth to it is because of your value. Your value is what the other person values, not what you think they should value. This is also why you shut up. Once you try to enforce your boundaries, you learn if what you think they value and what they value align, how much of if you actually have, or if you have relationship inertia buying you time.
A man who went by the name of RPWhisper. He had serious and obvious problems. He was fat, sexually frustrated and lazy. He didn’t see the writing on the wall. His wife suddenly started working out and losing weight. Seasoned men know that if your wife is starting to get back into shape when you haven’t lead her there, there is a good chance she’s preparing to find your replacement.
David Claire, writer of Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man talks about the betafication process. The final stages are evolutionary selfishness and self determination. The former is where she always has a headache and nothing you ever do is good enough. The purpose is to distance herself from what Rollo Tomassi calls the War Bride dynamic.
This is followed up with infidelity or divorce. The why is too large a topic, and I’ve already described the mechanisms in Dread
My point here is to understand that you don’t have value, not yet. You have a dead marriage and, like radiation poisoning, you won’t know for a while, but when you finally see signs it’s likely too late.
