Case Study: Separating Sex from Intimacy

Can't cut another mans grass when you can't cut your own first.

When was the last time you just, sat around and played with your girls tits then left without a second thought?

Red Pill is strategy, praxeology, efficacy. Amoral, low rigor and high replication. Low in fiber, high in calories, and full of autism but capable of greatness. It’s not really a thing at all, it’s patterns, notes and practice, full of mental models and strategies. This strategy is called separating sex from intimacy. I’m sure there’s some guy out there whose given it a catchier name with more misogyny, but I’m not here to provoke you.

What does that mean? How do you separate sex from intimacy, and why would you do that? It’s because most guys aren’t the least bit affectionate till they are horny. This is fine when you’re single, since you don’t go out unless you want to get laid and the women you meet were already primed by Whiteclaw and watching their ex boyfriend get happily married on Facebook. It doesn’t work so well when you see the person 24/7/365.

This is especially important after a life stressor hits. See the best way to have more sex in a relationship is to have more sex in a relationship. Women aren’t like men, they don’t have a refractory period. You’ve seen it. When you were having sex every day, it was more likely you were having sex every next day. When you took a week off it was like cold starting a lawn mower. A lot of jerking and not a lot of cutting your own grass. Ask your grandpa what that means, he’ll laugh.

Kids make you busy. Too busy to do much else. Women don’t feel sexy in pyjama’s covered in puke that isn’t their own. Sex goes from the fun thing to the wanting to get pregnant thing to the I have to recover thing to the not tonight thing. In moments of crisis like this, men don’t rise to the occasion, they lower to their level of training and their instincts. And out instincts don’t work in a world of infinite complaining middle aged women on TikTok.

So when a guy is making moves on his woman her mind instantly goes to the future. Are the kids in bed, is he really trying to make a move on me since I feel ugly right now, I just know he’s going to want something from me [baseline attraction dependent.] Sex goes from a fun thing that loving people do to a discrete activity; like a chore. Now maybe your wife has been gaslit by the church to do her wifely duties, or she’s been commanded by the church to put the needs of your child ahead of the marriage, either scenario sucks. No one likes a warm hole to masturbate in, and definitely no one likes to be nagged by a hot hole full of shaming language, sans nut.

Which reminds me of an old Twitter personality, pen name CakeInaCrisis, who bragged about divorcing her husband because he dared to try to sleep with her, take photos of her, and while the kids had a cold. Obviously the kids are an excuse, as is being tired, not feeling pretty, or whatever reason the spreadsheet man created another row in his sexless Excel journey

Every mainstream piece of advice and idea from your wife to get out of this rut, sucks. Have you tried communicating more? Nothing gets a woman wetter than complaining about a lack of sex drive. Have you tried spending more money going out on dates more? Ask any single guy how well it works when you take a woman out to dinner in hopes of getting laid. Fair lady doeth not fucketh on a full stomach. Don’t worry, she’ll get you next time, except for you did something that pissed her off just before next time and now she’s not in the mood, how convenient for her. Maybe a marriage councilor can use his gift of words to uncross her legs for you. Honestly, you’d be better off with a wingman to gas you up at the bar than expecting someone to use modern psychology to get a little nut of happiness.

Luckily, the Red Pill guys, the married ones, have figured out what works more. I’m not talking about the fundamentals: developing a Frame(Rian Stone) shedding your nice guy behaviors and toxic shame (Glover) becoming more assertive (Smith) or becoming more attractive and less unattractive (Mystery).

This is what comes next. Separating sex from intimacy. So what does this mean? Think about all the things you do when you’re horny and she’s just sloppy enough in that charming way. Groping her like a piece of meat, kissing her a little longer than usual, holding her close, putting your hand on the small of her back, getting into the shower and grabbing the shampoo, etc. Do those things, then go cold. It’s called push and pull, and it’s time you started using it.

You’ll likely get pushback, especially if you’ve been begging for sex for as long as you have. Covert contracts are hard to break, especially if your wife is expecting them. So the first time you make a move she pushes back. Don’t forget, you may have changed, but she has no way of knowing that.

“Ugh, can we not do this right now?” As you grab her with both hands from behind and hold her like a carnival teddy bear you just won.

“I’m not doing anything.” Then leave. Go do the dishes, or go for a walk, or get back to work, or mow the lawn, or whatever thing of value you can be doing.

When she starts the shower, hop in with her. Lather up the both of you, laugh, be friendly, not too handsy but handsy enough. Ignore any excuses then finish up and go about your day. If you’re doing it well you’ve acting like you’re trying to smash regardless of whether you are or not.

I can give you a reason this works, but I hate proclaiming what’s going on in a woman’s head when you do things. Partially because it’s usually wrong, but mostly it’s because I’m tired of women arguing with me because it works but they don’t like my tone and want to be the exception without actually being an exception.

Then, after doing this for a time, which has no real schedule, you go for the close. The time is right, the timing is right, the location is good enough, whatever. Your sexlife has gone from a series of discrete chores that she’s not in the mood for, along with a cycle of resentment that you’re feeding into a spontaneous sexlife that already has more foreplay than the average couple.

And personally, I hate texting for game. I don’t like it and don’t recommend it. Most guys screw it up. But a few people swear by it and have great ideas on how to text and what to text throughout the day. Go ask one of them how they do it. I’d send an eggplant and ignore the next 4 calls because I’m busy, but you do you.

Pause.

you’ve seen me talk about it a few times, but you’re not sure if it’s worth getting a kick ass story of a Red Pilled man having an adventure in a techno feminist dystopia. It’s worth it. you will carve out a little time to read, it’s an easy ready, and you’ll enjoy it immensely.

And you’ll never look at anyone’s essays the same again. You realize that good storytelling is the difference between a great Subtack and a lackluster one. The only downside of reading ghost of Odessa is that your standards for what you will read will go up, and you won’t like a lot of what’s there anymore.

Caveat

As with everything in the Red Pill, “does it work?” is followed up with “that depends.” Everything is contextual, and this is a pretty big context, you all.

This doesn’t work if you’re fat, ugly, unkempt, broke, on the cusp of divorce or otherwise in a shitty relationship as two shitty people. If you lie to you wife when she asks if she’s getting fat (and she is) or if she looks at you like a wallet, none of this will matter. All the fundamentals of Frame, Dread and personal improvement apply first. Once you’re there, and you’ve answered the question “Is the problem that my wife won’t fuck me, or that no woman would?” this becomes a new mental model for your toolbox.

Separate sex from intimacy to turn sex from a discrete chore into a regular state of arousal for the both of you.

Billy hasn’t tried

43yo, married, 3 kids under 14