Case Study: Stop trying to be masculine

Start attempting direction.

Self help checklists, masculine activities, mindset, authenticity. Stop bullshitting yourself. You want to fuck your woman, be honest and things get much easier.

I am no longer surprised that people will turn the material in this space into what they want it to be, instead of understanding what it is. Humans are lazy creatures; that’s a feature, not a bug. Our brains are evolved for laziness, as it’s the best way to stay alive in lean times. However, we are now in the land of milk and honey; calories have far surpassed the need for such instincts, and they are damaging us.

I have been writing about these for years. If you’re a longtime subscriber, you’ve read at least a hundred case studies from all types of situations. When reading this field report, test yourself: What do you see? Are there covert contracts? Does the man lie to himself, or is he being self-interested in his goals and actions? Does he follow the idea of an OODA loop, or is he treating this like a journal? Does he self-reflect, or is this post hoc justification? Does he understand which details in his life matter, or is this a dump of everything, hoping for someone else to point out the details of importance? Do you see success or failure from your own life in here and get angry or feel validated to see it in others?

Afterward, I’ll add the case study.

Billy, an Average Guy

I’m 38 years old, standing at 171 cm and weighing 72.9 kg, with a body fat percentage of 11.2% according to my InBody scan on March 7, 2025. I’ve been married for 11 years, but my wife and I don’t have any kids. Life’s been a mix of routine and discovery lately, and I’ve been keeping track of it all. My lifts, my meals, my work, and even my inner world.

In the gym, I’ve been pushing myself. My top set for squats hit 110 kg for two reps, though I struggled to maintain lower-body tension when I tried to increase my range of motion. I could feel it slipping after those two reps, and I knew I’d have to fix that this week. My Romanian deadlifts felt solid at 120 kg for nine reps, and my 4111 tempo bench press reached 65 kg for three. Overhead press came in at 47 kg for five, decent progress there, especially in my backoff sets. Last week, I managed three strength training sessions and two HEMA workouts, which kept me busy and sore in the best way.

Food-wise, I averaged 2,572 calories a day last week, 152 grams of protein, 262 grams of carbs, 94 grams of fat, and 28 grams of fiber. After months in a deficit, I decided to switch to maintenance mode. Pastries, donuts, pies, everything I’d been denying myself. It was a risky move, sure, but I needed it. I savored every bite, and now I’m confident I can reel it back in this week. Funny thing is, giving in to those cravings actually makes them easier to handle down the road.

At work, things shifted after some solid advice on my last post. I could handle other people’s frames, like my employers pushing a new company strategy, without acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum. I mulled it over and decided to step up. When a colleague from another team reached out about enabling this new strategy, I didn’t push back. Instead, we talked it out, honestly. Turns out, even the team driving the change didn’t know what they were building. So, we hashed out a starting point together. I coached him a couple of times on what to build and how, and in return, he gave me some sharp feedback on our codebase and processes. I’m taking that and turning it into actionable steps for my team. By leaning into the change instead of fighting it, I turned it into a win for both of us, a blueprint I can use moving forward.

On the mindset front, they had another gem from that same discussion: I needed to look at my leadership, or lack of it, in my long-term relationship. That hit me hard, so I spent a few journaling sessions digging into what leadership means to me and where I’m falling short, which, honestly, is pretty much everywhere. I realized that to lead the way I want, I need a personal vision and mission that actually mean something to me. I had a rough draft before, but it felt flat, uninspiring. So, over the weekend, I flipped it around. I started with a “Counter-Vision”, all the traits and behaviors I refuse to embody. From there, the real picture came into focus, and I wrote this:

My vision is to have the strength, courage, competence, and empathy to lead myself and others toward a life of authenticity, abundance, fulfillment, and beauty. My mission? To cultivate strength in my mind, body, and spirit, and inspire others to do the same. To face life’s challenges head-on, welcoming them like old friends and teachers that push me to grow. To hold my authenticity even when conflict or manipulation comes knocking. To endure short-term discomfort for long-term abundance. To use my emotions and empathy to build deep, rich relationships. To master myself and my skills with unquestionable competence. And to apply all of that to lift up the communities I’m part of. When I read it, I feel it, right in my chest.

In my relationship, I’ve been experimenting too. Last time you gave me pointers on expressing sexuality in an attractive way, so I started gaming my wife a bit. Less is more, I learned, covert beats overt every time. There’s a fine line between her giggling and rolling her eyes, and when I cross it, the trick is to shrug it off, keep going, or poke fun at myself. Non-verbal stuff, kino, hugs, a playful ass slap, works better for me than words. I’m still too awkward with verbal game, but I’m working on it, slowly reading through Bang by RooshV to level up. I also noticed I default to unsolicited advice when she vents about work (90% of the time) or anything else (the other 10%). I’m an empathetic guy, really, I am, but I’ve been shutting that part of myself off because strong emotions flood me too easily. It feels safer to stay detached. But I’m starting to see it differently. Letting her emotions wash over me without taking them on could be a way to strengthen my frame. Next week, I’m going to test that out, ride the waves without losing myself in them.

That’s where I’m at, lifting, eating, working, growing. It’s messy, but it’s mine.

For those who are subscribed to the free tier, I’ll reference this essay which can help you understand what’s happening.

Analysis

The glaring issue is there’s no way to know if this is good or bad. Billy hasn’t bothered to define what he actually wants out of his MAP (Male Action Plan). For example, right at the start, this phrase: