Case Study: Your wife is a bitchy child

learn to see her that way and your life will become easier.

I don’t know how to describe this type of guy, other than through his actions. A career beta, as

Rollo Tomassi

would call him. A gods honest on the plantation idealistic guy who just wants validation and love from a woman, any woman. I know he’s you, or very many of you, and you all have the same telltale signs:

• You still think like a nice guy.

• You assert much, but do little. The goal (whether you know it or not) is to be OK with what life is giving you, and not to learn to get more of what you want out of life.

• You bury yourself in your work to compensate for your relationship issues

• You listen too much to marketing

• You’re reacting. Your success hinged on her being OK with your changes

And I’ve seen as many failures as successes coming from this type. They will always assume they are a type 1 captain (or, a drunken captain and a begrudging first officer) and that their wife wants to be the best wife in the world, except you’re just too shitty to inspire her. Now, that may be true, and it may not. I’ve suggested that it’s always better strategy to assume that until you’ve sorted your shit out.

But it’s the certainty that he is to blame, the level that it’s added as a reason for every failure in his marriage that gives me pause. I do that because these are the kinds of men who tend to be a type 2 captain: neurotic, walking on eggshells with a control freak/anxious wife, or a type 3 captain, or a floormat that the wife could control in order to feel better about her own insecurities.

Like with everything in Red Pill, it may apply to you or it may not. Your ability to reflect on your actions are how you tell the difference.

And this is why assertions are detrimental to men and why I constantly harp on men to treat their field reports as a past tense activity and not a new years eve resolution. Assertions are wants. I want to be a better father. I want to earn more money. I want a better sexlife. I am learning. I am better than last time, and I have become a man with vision and purpose.

What do all those statements have in common? They mean nothing. You can jam them into whatever life gives you and feel good in that you have Frame and have applied Dread, all without the burden of taking any action or making anyone mad.

Writing in the past tense avoids all that. If you are saying you are having more sex, then the last weeks frequency doesn’t need an assertion, it’s right there. Another benefit of past tense is that if you haven’t done anything, you have nothing to write. You temper your field reports based on how many decisions you make, how many OODA loop iterations you’ve taken, or how often you’ve tried to achieve.

Guys who make assertion lists can fill space endlessly with desire. Men who act only have their actions to draw from.

But this isn’t fun. It’s challenging, both as an action, and as a challenge to our ego. Ego exists to defend the status quo. It’s not a bug it’s a feature. In caveman days, when things are good enough we can save energy by doing what we know works. Reinventing the wheel for 5% more productivity is selected against for survival. Until something becomes a life or death issue, we are hardwired to ignore it.

And ego builds every justifcation we could want. Things don’t apply to us, there’s something preventing us from changing, and most commonly, we just lie to ourselves and whoever will hear us. You’ve read my work on narcissistic fantasies often. Think of this as a run of the mill, average manifestation of them.

God knows I have read hundreds of field reports where the guy claims to have gotten better at handling shit tests, or sexual rejection, or fogging; only to then do the exact opposite in the next paragraph. More sophisticated and smarter people will even pepper jargon into their field reports so as to obscure the action they are avoiding.

This is why it’s important to know the jargon, but never to use it. I know what hypergamy is, but the average guy who is new at this probably doesn’t. It does serve as a convenient word to throw out when you want to hide being a piece of shit though. And if you use it, everyone else knows what it means and assume you do. It’s the perfect crime.

The last one is the mildest obstacle. Too many men treat their women as a pet project.

• I’ll work out; did she fuck me more?

• I’ll start passing shit test; did she fuck me more?

• I’ll use the 2/3rds rule; did she fuck me more?

Then with a straight face say they are making the changes in their life for themselves and no one else.

It’s not a simple concept. To both want more sex in a marriage and a less naggy wife and more assertiveness in the house without looking at it in a problem/solution way. It has to be sub-textual, almost incidental.

To get more sex in a relationship, I need to develop certain skills. I need to stop seeking validation from others, and have to have a little disdain for them. If I don’t, I will sabotage my efforts.

But. The results have to help calibrate me towards the specific actions I’m taking that work and stop taking the actions that do not. But I cannot take other peoples reactions as a metric for success or failure; only I can define what that means.

Most guys treat it as paradoxical. Eventually they get it. And this is where the new Case Study starts:

Billy is a 28 year old, 6 foot 230 pound man with a decent sexual past and a 35 year old wife with baby rabies. I’ll start with the end of his first six months, then show the details of those six months. You can see for youself where the ego is, or isn’t. Keep an eye out for ego defense, assertions, future tense writing, burying himself in his work and other reactive goals

**Authors Note: I’ve done some heavy editing, as this would be entirely too long. I’ve curated his field reports so as to only show the important elements.**

Billy, 6 months (really 2 years) later

I happen to have also had a ‘main event’ in the last week but I’m not going to write about that because it doesn’t matter. What matters is what I changed in myself and how I made those changes.