How to successfully cheat

The Red Pill way

The title is provocative, the problems are there isn’t one kind of cheating, there are two. The mental model for infidelities include blue cheating and red infidelity, she doesn’t get sole custody of your libido only first crack at it, and fuck me or fuck you. There will not be a how to get a mistress, a guide on successful harems, or any tips and tricks, for good reason. If you’re the kind of guy who decides to up Dread to that level, any piece of advice, any strategy, any examples of men successfully opening up their marriages will be useless to you.

If you’re the kind of guy who has decided he needs to get his needs met elsewhere, you won’t need help for that. If you’re the kind of guy who will nuke his marriage because he follows a guideline, you definitely don’t need it. If you get it wrong, you will have no idea how badly you’re put yourself strategically.

Blue Cheating

This is how most men cheat, and it’s the worst type of mental model a man can possess. It’s not sex for the sake of sex, it’s sex for the sake of validation. Therapy, but with a warm hole. Even the name betrays it’s validation seeking: Cheating. You assume you are breaking a rule, or a moral imperative. This sort of one way morality is a feminine primary social order run amok.

Women can avoid sex with a man, they can avoid intimacy, they can even avoid validation. But, if a man makes the effort to get his needs met elsewhere, he is the villain. But this is how this sort of infidelity happens: A man in a struggling relationship and a dead bedroom will complain to any sympathetic ear he can find. Typically a woman. You catch a woman who is willing to listen, willing to believe she can help him, or steal him away from her. One thing leads to another and the guy ends up sleeping with his ad hoc therapist.

Of course, the blue pilled man doing the cheating has a great mental burden with this. He knows he’s supposed to love his wife unconditionally. He knows that he made a promise. He hand waves away all the things she has refused to do in her life to add value to his. Eventually the guilt gets to him and he confesses his sins to his goddess. Alternatively, he sleeps with someone in their social circle. For every girl in the group, there’s another girl who hates her. What better way to get revenge than by sleeping with her husband?

Add to this the social dynamics and you have a disaster. A wife in a dead bedroom usually considers herself the head of the house. The indignity of having her Dependant-husband dare to establish he’s not under her control is insulting. Alternatively, she may not have cared what her man child does, but now their entire social circle knows she’s a shitty wife who can’t even hold onto her husband because that ugly bitch managed to sleep with him!?

It’s not the sex that ruins this kind of marriage, it’s the lying, and it’s the embarrassment. And since the guy still believes his woman lords over him, the more he grovels, the more she’s insulted. I’ve seen this in my friend circles, I’ve seen it in my parents friend circles. You have probably seen the same in your life. It’s never pretty.

This is the reason that seeking validation is a horrible strategy, and a major aspect of the praxeological man’s frame. I’ve written about the failed parenting models in Praxeology, volume 1. One of them is understanding that a daughter father is the only man in her life who she learns to get validation from without using her sexuality.

The issue with validation seeking cheating behavior is that while she is the guys daughter, she is still a woman. Seeing a supplicative man and a browbeating and insulted wife makes any lessons you’d want to teach her irrelevant. Women follow the rules of rhetoric, Ethos, Pathos, and logos in order. This means that your authority is the reason she listens, then the emotionality of your speech, and finally the appearance of any logical consistency.

So by removing your Ethos, you run the risk of having a child, spiritually fatherless.

Red Infidelity

Sex is sometimes just sex. Sometimes it’s a neurotic wife, sometimes it’s a wife who’s Catholic upbringing has removed her ability to have a healthy sex life. Sometimes it’s a wife who has the lifestyle she likes and the kids she wanted. There’s hundreds of reasons, but the main one is that fidelity ranks lower on her list of must-haves than the others that her husband provides.

The man isn’t stupid. He never sleeps with co workers that could damage his career. He never sleeps with people in their social circles. It’s discreet, it’s quiet, and everyone gets to pretend nothing every happened. I’m not saying women sit down have a discussion about it and end up being OK about it. Sometimes it’s just that she doesn’t want to know. Other times it’s that she knows, but is resigned that a “dog is gonna be a dog” and so long as he brings her the lifestyle and family to which she’s become accustomed she will learn to live with it. The specific dynamic isn’t important, the key aspect is the disparity between their value and their values.

This doesn’t mean this will be a lifelong, happy marriage. The few examples I’ve seen in my life have mom divorcing once the final kid has left the house, so if you find yourself in this situation, you should be aware that your only leverage is temporary. Even though:

You’re objectively awesome. You’re a great dad, and wonderful husband, and a good provider. Emotionally stable, with a wife that looks up to you and your authority. She admires you, and most importantly (for the sake of this mental model) you are very difficult to replace.

Women would rather share a high value man than be saddled with a loyal loser —Rollo Tomassi

Author Winemoreplease offered two caveats to this sort of situation, and they have been replicated by others in our space: UltmateCad, Whisper, and a few other names writing field reports that no one has ever heard of. The disclaimers:

• Don’t assume your wife is stupid. She’s not. She has made the decision that fidelity isn’t a requirement for your marriage.

• Don’t bring anything home. This includes drama, a crazy chick, and STD, or a rumor for her friends. Always maintain plausible deniability. If you make it difficult to turn a blind eye to you, she will stop turning a blind eye to you.

• Do realize that if you screw up, you will wear the villainy in every way that matters. The court of public opinion will vilify you, the courts will vilify you, and it’s likely your children will vilify you. It’s risky behavior, but men decide their own path, it’s no one else's place to advise for or against this.

I’ve written about the failed parenting models in Praxeology, volume 1. One of them is being a promise keeper, a term coined by author Rollo Tomassi, about a child who takes the mothers side in these situations and vows to ‘never be that asshole like dad.’ If your children find out about this, it’s likely they will disown all your attractive traits that you’ve instilled in them over the years. I should know, I was a child like that.

She doesn’t get sole custody of your libido, just first crack at it

Most men love to consider themselves loyal, honourable and men of their words. They think of marriage as a contract, witnessed by god and held up as sacrosanct. This is old order thinking of a new world situation, and these cages men place themselves within are learned helplessness, applied wholesale.

Marriage is not a contract, if it were there would be consideration. Consideration is the legal concept that no one can sign a contract unless they benefit in some way. There is no consideration for men in a marriage. Many hand wave this away by using the magic word ‘children’ but this isn’t the case. Nothing in a marriage certificate has any bearing on fertility. Marriage is a legal status, like being male or a minority.

Se when men agree to a legal status and treat it like a covenant, they enter a learned helplessness that ruins their ability to life a happy and content life. There are no laws against infidelity. Unless you’re still living in an at-fault jurisdiction, whether someone cheated or not is irrelevant during a separation, it’s a calculation over the dividing of assets and child care, almost boilerplate.

So what is a man to do when his wife no longer wants to fuck him? Well, you have to internalize the idea that your libido is not in her sole custody. It’s a simple statement that unravels so many delusions and lies men have about their marriages:

• Is it that my wife won’t fuck me, or that no woman would fuck me?

• Was she ever attracted to me, or was she just desperate to have children and I was the closest available dick?

• Why am I so afraid of offending this woman?

In the first case, most men find it’s not just that their wife won’t fuck them, it’s that no woman wants to fuck them. Sometimes it’s impossible to know, but either way the path is clear, learn to be more fuckable. Certainty matters. Once you’re at a place where other women have become available you will notice certain dynamics change.

I’ve read field reports from men who have been working on their Dread, attending an event like a kids birthday party or dinner party. The husband is doing his thing, but looking more attractive, fit, and charming. A little harmless flirting from some of the other wives or divorced in laws. An off hand comment to the wife about how attractive her husband is getting. Then, on the ride home, a blow job in the car. I don’t know why a blow job specifically, and why in the car specifically, but it’s happened enough that it’s a thing.

A combination of pre-selection, mate retention behaviors and sometimes, that bit of jealousy and anxiety triggers a desired response. Some women don’t value their trophy unless someone is willing to steal it. Natural levels of dread in a relationship can be a wonderful thing.

Now in the case of a woman who wasn’t in love, just wanted baby rabies, this can also happen. Instead of the car blow job it tends to be more adversarial. The shifting of power between the better looking wife and man-child husband into the aging wife and attractive distinguished husband can happen. This often culminated in something called a Main Event, followed by a Come to Jesus speech, which I will write about later.

The point here is a 180 degree shift of the power dynamic to a submissive wife and dominant husband.

Finally, for the men who are afraid to get their needs met because they still deify their wives, it helps a man understand why he needs frame. At this point you should have already gotten past this, as volume 1 was written for men to develop frame and shed their need for validation and approval, but if this was the kind of man you used to be, realize that a simple change in this dynamic can be all it takes.

Fuck me or fuck you

Finally, it’s the ultimatum. Fuck me or fuck you. A few years ago, another regular in our space, who goes by the pen name BluePillProfessor wrote a book on Dread. It was the best of what we had available, but had some issues. All the internal aspects of Dread: dressing better, losing weight, learning game, all good. Once it got past that and into more active measures: gaming other women, infidelity etc, it became a little hand wavey.

Luckily, the vast majority of men simply found that by improving themselves their wives responded favorable, and they never had to engage in chapter 8, called FMOFY (fuck me or fuck you). Which was the mother of all covert contracts, and does not work, even if you get laid a little more.

As Rollo Tomassi puts it:

Negotiated desire can only achieve obligated compliance; and

Ultimatums are admission that one has no power

The reason this is such a poor mental model is simple: Every unhappy wife is a rape victim.

So FMOFY is a useless mental model, blue pilled cheating is a useless mental model. Ref infidelity can be useful, but comes with trade-offs, and letting your wife have first crack at your libido opens up your options. Lets you know that cage of learned helplessness is open and all you have to do is walk out of it.

One thing men can do as a strategy is what I call Catch And Release.

Catch and Release

You go fishing and catch a fish. You take a picture, show it off to your friends, and throw it back in the water. No instead of fishing, you’re doing this with women. Why? Because you don’t know if the problem with your sexlife is you or not, you don’t know if you have learned good game or not, and you need a way to get a sober second opinion.