Mids Watch, Ep.1

Help me with OI long game (plus SAHM question)

Basic Question

Have been married 4 years, second marriage (yes, I know) One kid from this marriage (15mo old). 41 years old, wife 40.

Have read the sidebar material as well as some extra books on stoicism (stoicism has been great across all aspects of my life, thanks to strategos for his post that started me on that path). Have been lifting, do martial arts, make low 6 figures in medical field, 6'3", 205 lbs, about 16% BF at last check with calipers although lifting and eating right (CKD) and no alcohol over the last couple months seems to be recomping how I look versus just what the scale says.

Been using RP on all parts of my life; finances are in order, I lift a lot (have full cage and plate set in my garage), wardrobe on point, shit gets done around the house because it has to and I want to. Don't keep track of who does what, don't talk about it and don't expect sex or thanks because of it (used to do a ton of chore play because BP. Now I make my own mental priority of shit that has to be done and actually the household runs way smoother now)

OI has been one of my worst beta behaviors. Definitely had no OI before I started reading MMSL about a year ago, but still didn't internalize it and over last couple of months have been working hard on it as I unplug.

Generally sex with wife is a couple of times a month with occasional BJ every now and then. I initiate a lot, because, well, sex. Usually get shot down 8/10 times. Lots and lots of LMR/shit testing regardless of outcome. I'd gotten so conditioned that I would have some OI the first couple of hard nos. Previously after the first couple of shootdowns I would be super mopey and pissy about it till eventually I got duty/trickle/keep the beta monkey on a leash sex. No OI=Not attractive to any woman, I know. Success was usually right before her period or around ovulation.

With RP the needle has moved slightly forward, maybe 3-4 times a month with about a BJ a month, which is a huge improvement from a pure statistics standpoint but nowhere near what I want, still tons of LMR with shit tests before and sometimes immediately after sex.

Been adding some SGM in our occasional romps. Have had some success. She hasn't been starfishing and gets into it once we get going.

I've been doing the first 5 levels of dread and implementing behaviors slowly; when I first started just shooting down shit tests with A&A and ignore/STFU as opposed to my career beta behaviors, that was enough by itself to drive the hamster to some impressive levels of verbal abuse to try and shatter my new frame. That has subsided but likes to flare up from time to time.

With OI I'm at a bit of a loss. Have been keeping frame after hard nos, going and doing my thing and keeping it light/non butthurt but it's tough getting hammered down constantly. I know the wife isn't attracted to me. She ran the CC, met me post wall and I was a good beta provider. She likes sex because of her history and because AWALT. Just not with me, at least right now. Her trickle truths read much like a "Saving the Best" Rational Male post (eg "we're never doing anal".....has TT that she's done anal with previous boyfriends blah blah blah) I know RP takes time and I figure that 4 years of being a massive beta I may a) never turn it around in her mind regardless of what a badass I am/become b) it'll probably take a year or two before I reach a level of awesomeness that just couldn't be ignored unless, see a). So I know I need to take some time.

My question is how do you Morpheus' do OI well in cases like this? Anyone have a similar situation that they eventually had success in without having to nuke their marriage? I'm no two week warrior whose wife turned into a porn star after I downloaded MMSLP, so am a little bit at a loss of how people internalize dealing with the long game between just duty sex and having a sex life with your wife that at least approximates what you were aiming for. I figure continually initiating is part of an abundance mentality but wow, getting shot down over and over burns me up inside. I feel like I'm wasting my time when I push through to hard nos, time and energy I could spend on getting more awesome and working on my interests, but if I stop initiating I don't want to look like I'm being a bitch. Wife seems content to initiate every now and then (which is usually when we have sex; on her schedule) but if I turn down sex that's just on her schedule even if it's IV drip sex, that isn't very alpha right?

Don't know if a sex moratorium would be useful in any respect. Do I just grit my teeth and keep initiating and practicing OI? I know this is the hardest woman I'll ever have to game. Beta me would have wanted to have some sort of talk about it, but that's stupid and about as helpful as punching myself in the balls and expecting my dick to get bigger as a result.

How do I get rid of the covert contract that just because we're married we should have a good sex life and how to become an OI zen master until such point things turn around (even if they do?) many months from now?

As a second question/issue wife works currently but wants to stay home with the kid for the next year or so. We can afford it (actually I guess I should say "I can afford it" since she wouldn't be working) and initially I was ok with the idea but now I'm realizing there's a difference between affording it and achieving my financial vision for the household (which I've shared previously with her) so I'm thinking of telling her no and to continue working (she's still working as of this moment).

We have a good nanny, kid is happy, doing great, we both have good work schedules and I'm thinking I might be even more of a beta chump supporting her to be a SAHM now we're past the first year/almost year and a half of the kid's life.

I don't have a problem with changing my mind, and what's the worst she can do? Not have sex with me?

With the kid past her first year and almost a year and a half old I'm thinking that reducing cash flow and shortchanging my vision of building up our cash reserves, becoming zero debt, building retirement savings, kids college fund etc is a dumb play. "Only" a few hundred a month but that can make a big difference in the long term. My brain says: [poor sex life+new SAHM=beta bucks even more].

Or is it that since I'm captaining more and leading more she feels that she doesn't have to work now since I'm not the drunk captain as much and she can hand back the wheel? And I'm just conflating poor sex life with other issues?

Anyway I'm renting out way too much headspace to my wife with all this. Thanks for any input.

RP has changed my life for the better regardless of where my marriage goes and that alone has been worth the price of swallowing the red pill.