The path men take

How guys waste their time for years before they actually sort out their sex lives and marriages.

There’s always a funnel that drives men into a praxeological space. It always starts with professional advice, mainstream advice from friends and family, then onto mainstream publications forums and social media. Only after all that, which will always boil down to ‘do more, have a conversation more’ will a guy find our evil little space on the internet and truly find something that works.

We all have our path to get there. This is one sailor who travelled the world to find it

As much as peoples opinions matter, the one thing that I remind myself of is that Red Pill works. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t use it. It’s not a mystery as to why, it’s that women aren’t allowed to have an opinion, nor are their feelings factored into the equation. That is why everywhere else sucks.

It’s because women are hyper focused on personal status. They can’t not think about it. Even anonymous polls and online pseudonyms can’t get an honest answer out of a woman. California has a giant annual study, called the GSS, where they get an idea about lifetime sexual partners, habits, and everything you could want (sidenote: never trust some relationship expert who doesn’t know it exists) women still under report their sexual past. If you don’t believe me, then ask yourself when the last time you met a woman who had only slept with 7 men over her lifetime. Probably in high school or the married couple that met during high school aside, it’s just lies.

And while I talk about that funnel often enough in my work, I found an old example from someone who was a moderator for the red pill. He came and went before I even started my own journey, which makes him about 14 years old in RP years. He’s also the inspiration behind a saying I give to guys who have taken the time to plan and navigate their own action plan:

Go back to see your oldest field reports, if you don’t look at them and cringe then you haven’t been making progress.

The problem is it’s such a gradual process for us, we don’t think of it as a particularity big change. Then we go back to see how we were at the start. It reads like a completely different person, and a much shittier one. In the process of researching my books, I have accidentally come across my own field reports, and I didn’t even recognize them at first. It was only when they offered certain personal details did they jog my memory. All I can say to the old Rian is

‘fuck that guy’

Dead bedrooms, the crab bucket of the internet

So it was a bigger, co ed and growing space. It was dead bedrooms. If you ever wondered what a red pilled space would be like if you invited women in, look no further. This is the funnel for men. They find someone’s complaint over their marriage and sex life, feel the need to commiserate, and the few that want to actually solve their problem eventually trade teams.

The one thing I’ll preface is that need for concepts like high libido and low libido. They assume that a marital sex drive is closer to a mental illness than anything, as it’s easier to not pass judgement. Of course it’s not that she doesn’t want to fuck me, she just has a low libido! So when you read this dead bedroom field report, read between the lines, knowing what red pill material you know today, and see how wide the gap is between conventional relationship advice and RP relationship advice.

you don’t need to read, I read it to you!

30 Year Old Woman, dead bedroom

We've been together 15 years, married for 2. We always had a good sex life, though his drive has always been substantially higher than mine. As far as I know, we were both content. When we first moved in together, we started having some major problems. He nagged me a lot about how the house was kept, and he has some drinking issues. These and other problems caused me to withdraw and eventually, to have less sex. From my perspective, this was a cause and effect. I soon realized that withdrawing emotionally and physically was making a bad situation worse.

I worked very hard to understand. I went to therapy, read books and scoured online. Had insightful conversations with much older, wiser friends. I truly underwent a major paradigm shift in regards to intimacy. I now understand just how vital sex is, probably the most important thing for a relationship, especially when things aren’t perfect.

I don't think our libidos will ever be synched, but I can say that I have opened myself to him, I am here, ready and willing, and not just out of duty or anything like that. I realized that I need him as much as he needs me. I have made this clear, both in conversation and in sexual advances from me.

The problem is that now I feel like I’m the one being shunned. He has grown very emotionally distant. This time around it sure feels like I’m the one who always initiates when we do have sex, yet he blames me for it since I was the cause of the original issue. He's told me he just needs space, so I try to respect that, but then when I think I'm giving him needed space he comes back and accuses me of again not having sex enough. I'm starting to feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I think he feels a lot of hurt and resentment from the past, and I can understand that, but there has to come a point where we move past it and enjoy each other again.

How can I convince my husband that I am here for the taking, that I want and need him, and how do we reconnect, both physically and emotionally?

And this is where our soon to be Red Pilled man comes in. This is a good year before he knew about us, and over that year, nothing about him had changed. It’s a miserable holding pattern. I keep in mind that for every example like this I see, there’s probably a hundred more examples that aren’t online talking about it, they are just living quiet lives of desperation, living to communicate and sexually stunt each other further, or worse. A previous field report of a guy who was like this and just went with hookers is a good example of worse.

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